What I know now, I couldn't have known then

It is completely and utterly surreal to be sitting back in the USA. I look at my calendar on my macbook and it's completely empty, gone are the days that in 2-3 weeks I would be embarking to a new destination. In fact, since I traveled so much in the last 5 years I had to send my passport off to get a new one because I was out of pages, so I am confined to the 50 states for at least 6-8 weeks.

I've found myself no less lost and confused then when I returned from NYC in fall 2008, dreams shattered and knowing that medical school was no longer a viable option. I am again sitting here, homeless, scouring Craigslist postings every day to find some kind of dead-end, easy to leave job. The jobs that were fine in high school, throughout college, but now seem so unacceptable to me.

Waiting, waiting, waiting for my life to begin. To hear about grad school interviews, admission and when the hell I can move out of here, make a plan and start my life again.

I traveled from February 22, 2010 to January 11, 2011, but what did I accomplish exactly? Obviously seeing the world, meeting new people, trying new things, getting myself out of my comfort zone and (too much) introspective thinking about life, the future and what I want.

At the very least I have figured out some things, albeit I wish it was exactly what I was going to do and where I was going to do it. That parts on hold.

What I want by December 31, 2011:

1. To pick a city and live there: I want to live in a city for more than 3 months maximum. I want to get to know the city, I want to make friends and I want to have a place of my own. I used to crave the ability to leave in a heart beat, but now I just want to stay somewhere, get a feel for it and start some kind of life.
2. I'm tired of being alone: After traveling all over the world alone (not totally alone since I saw friends in most places), I realize that I have the ability to spend countless, endless hours alone, but that I don't want to. In the wake of another facebook engagement announcement (congrats to my cousin Kristen), I realize that I want a relationship. I realized how much that I liked living with my ex-boyfriend, although we weren't right for each other. Someone to cook with, come home to, go out to eat with, plan trips with... That's what I want. Too bad that when you look for it you never find it. Step one needs to be accomplished first though, no point in looking when you are moving soon.
3. I want to be a good cook. This also goes along with number one as to be a good cook, you need to have good tools, so I need somewhere to store them, aka my own place. I just hate cooking for myself only, so number two would greatly help that. 
4. Never to live out of a suitcase again. I like to be organized and even now, back in the USA I am still unsure of where 80% of my belongings are and there is still a suitcase on my floor. I want a closet, I want drawers, I want order.

All of these things are things that I thought that I didn't care about and in reality I didn't care about at all one year ago. I have traveling to thank for a lot of things, learning to be independent, to be alone, to see the world, etc, but most of all to give me the ambition to actually choose somewhere to live and stick with it and basking in the serenity that comes with stability.

Come on graduate school and tell me yes or no soon, because I'm going stir crazy, holding my life back to see if you think I am good enough.

The rest of my life awaits.