Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Winter Break

I am one of the lucky few people that still has a winter break, in fact I had a spring, summer and fall break too from working since I haven't worked since February! I leave tonight for Germany where I will be spending the next two weeks, including Christmas, will be spending three days of that time in Paris and then will be celebrating new year's in Israel. I will be home in January where some big decisions and a few quiet months without international travel await.

I feel like I really want to enjoy this last month before I go back to job searching (ie endless hours of internet prowling and applications), working and living a day-to-day life. Part of the relaxation is going to be hanging out with friends, seeing new things, etc., but the biggest thing I have decided to do is to leave my laptop at home. After much thought and consideration I think that I need a break from constant information, plus if I need to check something I will still have my iPhone, my kindle and my friends have computers, I am positive.

The next four weeks I am sure I will write something on here, but I am not going to press myself to try and think of something or to try and post every mid-week. I am going to take time to enjoy the moment and think, because I have a lot of choices and decisions to make when I return.

Happy holidays!

I am looking forward to this break and to spending time with friends!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

(More) Homeless

Since high school I haven't really had a "home" per se. I lived in the dorms and a smattering of other apartments in Boulder. I had a room at the two houses my mom has lived in since I moved out, but since I never lived there and now even at her house I live out of suitcases, I still never felt like I had a home since I moved out when I was 18.

Most parents are used to their kids moving out and around the country, but now I am faced with my mom and her husband deciding to retire and move to a whole new state! They recently purchased a home in the same community as my Grandma lives and where my aunt and uncle are planning to move. Nice for them to be so close and nice for me to be able to visit all my family at once, which has never happened since they were always spread out from Seattle to Colorado to Minnesota to Florida.

But what does that mean for me? That means that when I won't have a room at my mom's ever again, nor a room in the state I grew up in, won't be visiting Colorado anymore for holidays and I won't have anywhere for my stuff. It's stressful knowing that in less than a year from now I have no idea where I will (hopefully) be going to grad school and that I will have to take everything I want to keep with me- there will be no more bedroom for me to keep anything in. In addition I won't be seeing my friends in Colorado unless I go there on "vacation", although I do think most of my friends will be leaving the state soon.

I suppose it forces me to settle down next year or invest in a storage unit. Either way it stresses me out.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

How did I get here?

Although I do not regret quitting my going-nowhere job in February of this year, often times (let's say once a week or less) I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and wonder "what the hell am I doing with my life?' I wonder why I wasn't satisfied living in Boulder or in the USA in general, why I didn't apply to medical school, why I am not in a serious relationship or engaged (thanks facebook for the constant reminders that I am on a different path) and why I am sitting at home at 13:30 on a Thursday instead of at a paying job. I have had this discussion with Josh about a million times (he goes through the same thing, but his choices have lead him to the Israeli army and a new country's citizenship, a little more serious consequence-wise).

Today is one of those days as I sit in the middle of suburbia, but then the feeling is very fleeting as I remember why I left and am faced with constant reminders of why. The reasons that I hate suburbia haven't changed, I would have never lasted at my dead-end, pay-the-bills-barely job and that I needed to prove to myself that I could be independent.

Things that bring me back into the reality that I have created the past 9 months are:
  1. I can check independence off that list, as I have proved it to myself about 9 times over and I can definitely say that I am independent and maybe a little crazy for traveling for so long alone
  2. I also have never missed my job or the crappy paycheck, not once, ever.  
  3. I found a career that I think is better for me than being a doctor (just need to be accepted to school!) 
  4. It's 13:30 on a Thursday and I can do whatever I want 
  5. I don't want to be on a path to marriage and babies with a life in the suburbs, in fact it's one of my nightmares 
Even though I miss the stability of a paycheck, having my clothes and belongings organized, an apartment and kitchen of my own and an address...  I remember that this time that I have right now is temporary and that next year at this time I will be in school, in one city for 2-3 years and will not have the freedom to go where ever whenever I want. I realize that I have so many years of work, family and life ahead of me.

Instead of worrying myself today or wondering what-if things were different, I am going to enjoy the afternoon eating lunch when I want (not at a predetermined hour), having the freedom to do what I want or to not do anything because I can and enjoy the last month and a half that I have before I have to find a job, worry about a place to live and all the other things that come with a normal life.

Carpe diem!