How did I get here?

Although I do not regret quitting my going-nowhere job in February of this year, often times (let's say once a week or less) I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and wonder "what the hell am I doing with my life?' I wonder why I wasn't satisfied living in Boulder or in the USA in general, why I didn't apply to medical school, why I am not in a serious relationship or engaged (thanks facebook for the constant reminders that I am on a different path) and why I am sitting at home at 13:30 on a Thursday instead of at a paying job. I have had this discussion with Josh about a million times (he goes through the same thing, but his choices have lead him to the Israeli army and a new country's citizenship, a little more serious consequence-wise).

Today is one of those days as I sit in the middle of suburbia, but then the feeling is very fleeting as I remember why I left and am faced with constant reminders of why. The reasons that I hate suburbia haven't changed, I would have never lasted at my dead-end, pay-the-bills-barely job and that I needed to prove to myself that I could be independent.

Things that bring me back into the reality that I have created the past 9 months are:

1. I can check independence off that list, as I have proved it to myself about 9 times over and I can definitely say that I am independent and maybe a little crazy for traveling for so long alone
2. I also have never missed my job or the crappy paycheck, not once, ever.  
3. I found a career that I think is better for me than being a doctor (just need to be accepted to school!) 
4. It's 13:30 on a Thursday and I can do whatever I want 
5. I don't want to be on a path to marriage and babies with a life in the suburbs, in fact it's one of my nightmares 

Even though I miss the stability of a paycheck, having my clothes and belongings organized, an apartment and kitchen of my own and an address...  I remember that this time that I have right now is temporary and that next year at this time I will be in school, in one city for 2-3 years and will not have the freedom to go where ever whenever I want. I realize that I have so many years of work, family and life ahead of me.

Instead of worrying myself today or wondering what-if things were different, I am going to enjoy the afternoon eating lunch when I want (not at a predetermined hour), having the freedom to do what I want or to not do anything because I can and enjoy the last month and a half that I have before I have to find a job, worry about a place to live and all the other things that come with a normal life.

Carpe diem!