Two months and not a word on this thing.... It's not that I haven't been doing things or that big things haven't changed. In fact, I got exactly what I wanted, my first choice graduate program! It's not that I haven't been travelling either, I made a quick trip to Seattle and even squeezed in a short camping trip. It's not that I haven't been having fun either, music festivals, baseball games, too many happy hours, a kickball league. I even made the decision to live out of a suitcase again for a month and be homeless to travel around Israel, spend time on the beach, do WWOOF, and hang out in Jerusalem with one of my best friends.
Why haven't a written anything? Because even though I got what I want, I am still mourning the loss of this life, the ability to move around, own nothing, meet new people, pack everything in one bag and live month to month, in the moment. I'm not saying goodbye to just my friends, family and familiarity, but also to a stage of life. The last three years have been tumultuous, stressful, even downright horrendous at times, but they allowed me to do something I always wanted to do, drop everything and travel.
I survived a pretty angsty, roller coaster ride of a quarter life crisis. I'm happy to have it in the past and to have survived, even thrived to come out on the other side with plans, a future career. But, even the scariest roller coasters are fun sometimes, but it's time to get off, get over it and move onto real life.
I own things again, which may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't owned a bed, a desk or a dresser in two years. It's frightening and exciting to give up a nomadic life. For the record, I prefer nomad to bohemian, I'm no hippy.
Saying goodbyes feels more permanent this time, more scary. A good number of friends are doing the same as me this fall, graduate school, law school, medical school, pharmacy school. It means that people are going to be putting roots down somewhere, maybe forever. No longer will everyone live in one place, we're going to have to plan to travel far distances to see one another, maybe only special events, maybe someone will get married and I won't even know their significant other. The whole thing is weird, weirdly awesome.
Everything is about to change and this change has been a long time coming, though I feel more melancholic (you could even use the word sadder) than I thought I would about leaving. I'm bad at goodbyes, especially to people you know you'll never see again, people that you hope you'll see again, people you aren't ready to say goodbye to yet.
Goodbye living out of a suitcase, goodbye Boulder, goodbye to Walnut houses (or Spruce houses), goodbye being within driving distance of friends/family and driving in general, goodbye life as I know it.
Hello rest of my life, I'm ready for you.
Why haven't a written anything? Because even though I got what I want, I am still mourning the loss of this life, the ability to move around, own nothing, meet new people, pack everything in one bag and live month to month, in the moment. I'm not saying goodbye to just my friends, family and familiarity, but also to a stage of life. The last three years have been tumultuous, stressful, even downright horrendous at times, but they allowed me to do something I always wanted to do, drop everything and travel.
I survived a pretty angsty, roller coaster ride of a quarter life crisis. I'm happy to have it in the past and to have survived, even thrived to come out on the other side with plans, a future career. But, even the scariest roller coasters are fun sometimes, but it's time to get off, get over it and move onto real life.
I own things again, which may not seem like a big deal, but I haven't owned a bed, a desk or a dresser in two years. It's frightening and exciting to give up a nomadic life. For the record, I prefer nomad to bohemian, I'm no hippy.
Saying goodbyes feels more permanent this time, more scary. A good number of friends are doing the same as me this fall, graduate school, law school, medical school, pharmacy school. It means that people are going to be putting roots down somewhere, maybe forever. No longer will everyone live in one place, we're going to have to plan to travel far distances to see one another, maybe only special events, maybe someone will get married and I won't even know their significant other. The whole thing is weird, weirdly awesome.
Everything is about to change and this change has been a long time coming, though I feel more melancholic (you could even use the word sadder) than I thought I would about leaving. I'm bad at goodbyes, especially to people you know you'll never see again, people that you hope you'll see again, people you aren't ready to say goodbye to yet.
Goodbye living out of a suitcase, goodbye Boulder, goodbye to Walnut houses (or Spruce houses), goodbye being within driving distance of friends/family and driving in general, goodbye life as I know it.
Hello rest of my life, I'm ready for you.
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