Last night I was watching yet another episode of "House Hunters International" (that show is seriously addictive) and the episode chronicled a woman who was buying property in Lima, Peru after meeting and subsequently falling in love with a Peruvian. She hadn't known him very long, but was leaving the USA to buy a house, live with this guy and start a travel business. Basically, she was uprooting her life for someone she'd only known for a few months. I couldn't help but sit there and shake my head and make comments to my roommate about how dumb this girl was for committing to a house payment for someone she barely knew and in a country where she didn't speak the language. I was judging her big time.
Then I realized maybe I am too cynical. Obviously, if you found the love of your life you would want to be near them. I am skeptical after living in Peru because they even have a term for the peruvians that show up in bars to prey on foreigners (brichero/a) and I cannot possibly count how many I saw. But, for every five bricheros and bad vacation romances, I met people who it seemed had honestly found something that was working. Even if it meant long visa waits, long distance periods, moving to Peru and changing their life.
I kept thinking, how do you know you love them when you've only known them for two weeks? But, maybe that's all that it takes and just because I can't see that happening for myself, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I know my grandparents and several other people's that got married after knowing each other just a short while. It was the thing to do then and not so much now, but their marriages lasted 60 + years and I rarely see people as happy as I've seen them.
When things work out in a long distance romance, a vacation romance or with someone that you've only known a month before deciding to marry them it's seen as super romantic. It's the ones that fail that are seen as a huge mistake, but there are so many relationships and marriages that don't work out that people knew each other for years and years before.
People rarely criticize military wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends for carrying on long distance for months on end. I don't know why it's seen as a weakness in other relationships. You can't judge people without being in their shoes. You can't plan when you're going to meet someone and it usually comes at inconvenient times. But if someone is worth it, long term worth it, then it seems obvious that you would be willing to make big changes to carry on with that person, because you don't want them to get away from you.
Anyway, this is kind of a ranty post I guess, but I am going to stop criticizing, judging and shaking my head when people tell me stories like this, instead I will think, "Wow, crazy. How lucky you are to have met", I'm going to try and see it as romantic, because it is if someone knows so much that you are the one that they are willing to change their lives for you or you for them. Good for you if you've found them. You have to do what you think is right. In reality, I know so many couples that are only together out of convenience and proximity, don't really like each other and are wasting time being with someone they barely like. It seems like a much more romantic idea to like/love someone enough to put up with not being able to see them all the time or having it be complicated to see them knowing that one day it will all be worth it, than to stay in something that means nothing to you. And coming from someone who hasn't really been in love yet, I really should not think I am an expert on these matters, what do I know?
End of rant.
PS One of my family members I saw this weekend (hey Barb!) told me I never said where I had been accepted to school. I'm going to Northwestern this fall, starting Monday... The last 18 months have been unreal, crazy, scary, stressful, amazing, but it's time to get back to being a member of society again. I hope to study abroad next summer and I already have a trip to the Caribbean planned for December after finals, so this is not the end of travelling, but it is the beginning of having to live a more scheduled travel life!
Then I realized maybe I am too cynical. Obviously, if you found the love of your life you would want to be near them. I am skeptical after living in Peru because they even have a term for the peruvians that show up in bars to prey on foreigners (brichero/a) and I cannot possibly count how many I saw. But, for every five bricheros and bad vacation romances, I met people who it seemed had honestly found something that was working. Even if it meant long visa waits, long distance periods, moving to Peru and changing their life.
I kept thinking, how do you know you love them when you've only known them for two weeks? But, maybe that's all that it takes and just because I can't see that happening for myself, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I know my grandparents and several other people's that got married after knowing each other just a short while. It was the thing to do then and not so much now, but their marriages lasted 60 + years and I rarely see people as happy as I've seen them.
When things work out in a long distance romance, a vacation romance or with someone that you've only known a month before deciding to marry them it's seen as super romantic. It's the ones that fail that are seen as a huge mistake, but there are so many relationships and marriages that don't work out that people knew each other for years and years before.
People rarely criticize military wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends for carrying on long distance for months on end. I don't know why it's seen as a weakness in other relationships. You can't judge people without being in their shoes. You can't plan when you're going to meet someone and it usually comes at inconvenient times. But if someone is worth it, long term worth it, then it seems obvious that you would be willing to make big changes to carry on with that person, because you don't want them to get away from you.
Anyway, this is kind of a ranty post I guess, but I am going to stop criticizing, judging and shaking my head when people tell me stories like this, instead I will think, "Wow, crazy. How lucky you are to have met", I'm going to try and see it as romantic, because it is if someone knows so much that you are the one that they are willing to change their lives for you or you for them. Good for you if you've found them. You have to do what you think is right. In reality, I know so many couples that are only together out of convenience and proximity, don't really like each other and are wasting time being with someone they barely like. It seems like a much more romantic idea to like/love someone enough to put up with not being able to see them all the time or having it be complicated to see them knowing that one day it will all be worth it, than to stay in something that means nothing to you. And coming from someone who hasn't really been in love yet, I really should not think I am an expert on these matters, what do I know?
End of rant.
PS One of my family members I saw this weekend (hey Barb!) told me I never said where I had been accepted to school. I'm going to Northwestern this fall, starting Monday... The last 18 months have been unreal, crazy, scary, stressful, amazing, but it's time to get back to being a member of society again. I hope to study abroad next summer and I already have a trip to the Caribbean planned for December after finals, so this is not the end of travelling, but it is the beginning of having to live a more scheduled travel life!
